I don`t think I`m ready for Japan.

As the days pass in Japan I realize the Japanese customs alot better. I feel as though I am a foreigner in my own country (More like my parent`s country).
I went to the doctor because my leg/buttocks region hurt like someone was pulling at my nerves and squeezing it and stretching it. The doctor said that I might have a hernia-which was quite embarrasing considering the fact that usually older people get them. After the possible symptom that the doctor had said, they recommended me to have a massage everyday. So, today is the second day that I am getting my massage. Although the electric massage, hand massage is pretty relaxing- I don`t like how unrelaxed the massuers look! I forget that Japanese people are really serious/tense with their jobs. More like they don`t even enjoy it sometimes... I wanted to say to my massuer, " You need to smile more" in english.

Other than realizing how tense my Japanese culture is, I realized that they are all about consideration of other people. Every place has a sign that says something about caring for one another- or shutting the door quietly- or it seems as though there is an instruction for every purpose. It`s lovely, but at the same time I feel contricted from my own ideals.

Another thing that I realized about Japan is that they love cute/compactable things. Cars look like toys, pens look like their edible, and food look super delicious.

Anyways, as soon as I got here in Japan we were welcomed by teenage boys that can`t understand instructions. I specifically told the boy that was carrying my luggage that I was going to "HIGASHI TOKOROZAWA" not TOKOROZAWA. So when we arrive from our bus to Higashi Tokorozawa, we weren`t able to get our luggage. This was because the boy\boys put it all the way in the back with the rest of the Tokorozawa customers. So, my brother-in-law had to drive us to Tokorozawa to get our luggage. My brother in law was probably the best person to greet us, because the flight to Japan was quite hectic. I also think his pretty flowers helped calm our nerves down.

Alright, I know I`ve only been talking about cons it really hasn`t been that bad overall. I got my tattoo apointment on July 14th, and a meeting about what I`m going to get\design this thursday. I can`t wait. The lady that is doing my tattoo was booked for 3 months but my sister managed to squeeze me in her schedule:) oh, a surprising factor when I got here is that my niece is soo not like my sister or my brother in law. Hanaco is this active cute little thing that eats like a sumo- wrestler and knows what she likes/dislikes. Although she is only 1 and a half- I can safely say that she is going to be a very outspoken child.

Are you ready for me JAPAN?

In approximately 2 days, I will be heading to the land of spiritualism/art. In a way, I don't think alot of traditional Japanese people would appreciate me because 1. I am an Americanized Japanese girl 2. I can be very opinionated about subject matters that I am passionate about. 3. I don't see the tradition in catering to men.... But, we'll see. I would like to understand my Japanese roots alot better. Oh, and another thing, I am getting a tattoo which is still quite taboo in most places in Japan.
I cannot wait to eat Japanese food though. The fresh sushi, squid, tofu, udon, ramen(actual ramen noodles) w/ much more ingredients other than just the noodles itself, takoyaki(octopus bundled in usuta-sauce/katuo flakes/nori), Japanese pastry/cakes, ugh.. and so much more!
The activities that I am looking forward to doing in Japan is getting a tattoo(at this cute parlor in Tokyo which is called Red Bunny), traveling alone(I better becareful because there are random stabbing murders, unstable people kidnapping foreigners and killing them, and sexual harrassers on trains..lol), meeting up with old friends/family, going to Tokyo night clubs(we'll see about this one:), going to kool bars, and believe it or not riding in trains..
In a sense, I feel like this is the last trip I am having without responsiblities/money troubles/ and being a teenager. Well, it is going to be.

well, I better go off packing a month worth of fun.

My exploration of Japan is about to start, and I feel like I am about to discover a part of
my history.. we'll see I guess:)

red eyes and easter bunnies

basically this is what's up these days. When I got to Oha're airport, reality really hit me. My father got laid off, and so he is unemployed currently. We are thinking about moving back to Michigan because of it. There's more jobs for him out there than here. Honestly I am getting used to the idea that I am once again moving. I am only moving for the sole purpose of my mother's dreams. She wants to open a little shop that sells take out Japanese foods. I really need to find a university that is compatible to what my major is. My surrounding unstableness is really kicking off my education in a soilpot. I just want to learn and get a degree out of it- and get a stable job. Life is unpredictable... but I guess I can make my own choices from now on. I sound rather dreary in this blog but honestly, I think it's only because I'm telling it to you guys for the first time. Anyways, I am still going to Japan this summer even if it makes me feel like we don't have the money for it anymore. My sister really needs to be assisted during the long flight so. I don't want to plan about my future anymore because nothing is solid until I'm off my parent's plan. I want to be optimistic again though... I'm getting there.

jam jam

I suppose there's been alot going on.
-Let's see, I've been trying to get
my friend employed(he is Chinese) and he speaks in broken English.
You cannot believe how hard it is to get a job if you can not speak
fluent english in this town. So we are going to apply like crazy this saturday.
He also wanted to get a library card so that he can get some beginner's books to enhance his vocabulary.
-I have to voleenteer 20 hrs for my intro to Social Work class, so I can get
my credit from there. I'm thinking about teaching illierate people how to read.
Agh! There is just so many things I need to accomplish yet I feel like my body is so slow! It's running out of batteries or something. Oh a good tradition I've been starting is that I've been packing my own lunch. I try to eat greens/veggies everyday because it feels like it gives me much more energy. I try to cut on my carbs and not eat as much sugar..(which is quite hard) I try to listen to my belly if it's really hungry or not and that helps alot! haha..
Anyways, compared to you guys I feel like I am doing nothing artistic!haha.. really- I think the most artsy thing I do is doodle in my notes during lectures- har har. well well I can not wait for next saturday:D I can't believe it's already next week that I get to visit you guys! My co-worker was telling me about how we have next friday off and I just remembered that that saturday I was going to fly to Georgia:D crazy how time is...

man, do I feel like a woman.

My throat feels a little soar, but it's getting better.
I'm addicted to America's best dance crew... what an amazing show.
Whoever can dance is awssome. I've been jamming to the shows, but
boy I probably look like a goof.
I can't believe it's already march. March is thaaa season of spring, but
Illinois's been snowing quite a bit. It hasn't stopped snowin. Life is going
too quicky it seems. I've just really been fooling around this week, and not
doing as much- but I think this weekend I'm going to study my brains out.
All my classes have been pretty smooth. I just can't wait for Spring break
honestly, I need my homies.. hahahaa
a
n take care homies!
y
w
a
y

smoking red roses

I started casually smoking again.. although I don't think it's bad- because I do not smoke that often. Just when I go to the shows, and when I'm thinking.
I recieved the prettiest roses on Valentines.. I'm so scared of it wilting because of the fragileness of my relationship between myself and B. I have to say it's not the greatest.
The shows that I go to are actually making me have like a permanent high. I'm not exactly sure why.
I heard one of the most beautiful cries in a song- (I forgot the song name but it is by a band named MewithoutYou.)
I met this girl in class and we started to hang out. She's the one that let me hear the song. For some reason I relate with her better than the girls around me. I really love it when females are more masculine. Sometimes the "I don't give a shit" attitude is necessary.
I miss home.

subtle suffocation

Growing apart fruits,
there comes a time when the roots separate,
and then we have time to think
then, who are you truly?
lifted away from the branch,
and you finally set foot on your own,
that is when you realize that it is
then, time for you evolve or to rot....

So, I am single now. I'm not sure if my heart's become solid, but I don't have intense emotions. Right when it happend, subtle tears came flowing down, but it wasn't the right amount of tears. Although I miss the company, I'm beginning to think it was for our own futures. He's going to Chicago to become something big, I'm going to go somewhere else to become something. I feel like there is much more time needed for me to travel and discover different people.
I can't really say I'm depressed, because I feel like I've blocked that kind of statis. Being depressed means months of recovering, and I don't need that in my life right now. More like I don't want that in my life, because I can't concentrate on anything if I am in that situation.
I've become to realize the comfort of being independent. It's nice to actually be ok, being on your own. I'm able to notice who I am more because I'm not putting that effort towards someone else.

I think I have a curse, I never have a boyfriend on V-day.
It's ok though, I'm against V-day. Capatalists trying to snag money on all of us!